11 Questions You Should Ask Yourself before Committing to Someone
Are You Ready To Commit?
When in love, we often feel like we can do anything. We are ready to promise anything to our loved ones and for a brief moment, we think that we are able to materialize everything that has been promised. For a brief moment, we think that we have everything that we ever wanted. It is just the right time for the commitment. But then you start wondering about things that you haven't done yet. Will you have time to fulfill your plans and materialize your dream together with the partner? And all of a sudden you find yourself having doubts that you've chosen the right person to spend some time or all your life with. And this is one of the obvious signs of commitment issues.
Of course, you are brave and you do love your partner, besides, you're not some whiny bimbo to have fear of commitment. But why the closer you are to declare your decision that you've decided to spend your next ten to something years with your partner, you feel more and more frustrated? That's because you do have commitment issues.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with you having fear of commitment, as commitment may feel like a limitation of your freedom. And living with your freedom being limited often feels like a living hell. Moreover, you may also be afraid of the shortage of privacy and alone time that will inevitably occur after the commitment.
Of course, it feels ridiculous, considering the fact that you are most likely want to commit to someone who you consider to be your perfect one, someone whom you've been looking for all of your life, but that's how the cookie crumbles. So, what are you going to do with that? Actually, you have two variants, with the first one being visiting a shrink. The therapy that will help you in overcoming the fear of commitment is just what you need. Leave everything now and find the best shrink and see him as soon as possible... oh, almost forgot, there is a second variant, which is definitely less costly than therapy. You need to ask yourself a few questions that will help you reveal whether you are ready for commitment or not.
Question You Should Ask Yourself Before Getting Committed
1. Does Your Partner Value You As A Person?
First thing, which you need to ask yourself to understand whether you're ready or not ready for commitment is whether your partner values you as a person. Determining your partner attitude to you as a person is highly important, as how long your couple would last depends on it. So, ask yourself, does your partner value you as a person aside from being his or her love interest. If not, maybe he or she is not your best choice for commitment.
2. Do You Trust Your Partner?
You trust your partner more than any other person in the world? Imagine that your partner is late, their phone is dead, and they have been offline for few hours. You are worried because you think that something awful happened to them or you are worried because you think they can be enjoying some sugar on the side? The variant you pick will show whether you are ready for commitment or not.
3. Are You Open With Your Partner?
A man opens up when he is ready to commit while women can be open about themselves before the commitment...oh, forget about gender issues, as they have nothing to do with it. Whatever, can you be open with your partner? Because if you can't, what's the point in the commitment?
4. Do You Work Together Through Problems?
When you have problems, you try to solve them together? You have the possibility to talk them over? You solve your problems in a healthy way, talking with each other in a normal tone, or you are at each other’s throats going full scandal? Think about it, couples in which people discuss their problems in a healthy way are more likely to last long.
5. You Have The Same Attitude Towards Kids?
You both like kids and dream about having a baby? Or both of you are into a child-free lifestyle? Regardless which variant is yours, as in both ways you are a great couple. Still, if one dreams about kids while the other thinks that he or she is too young to become a parent then you should think twice before committing. One may live in hopes that the other will change his or her mind, which mainly results in broken dreams.
6. Do You Share The Same Life Plans?
You both plan to work hard and pursue careers in order to buy a big house and then take a long vacation? You both plan to travel around the world? You both plan to live in a big city? Well, then you are a perfect couple. Things are much worse if one of you wants to pursue a successful career in a big city while the other plans to have a house in a small town and travel around the world. If you don't have mutual plans, then what's the point in commitment? One of you is definitely going to suffer.
7. Are You Okay With Your Partner's Money Management?
You both manage money well? Both of you have their own expenses, but you always manage to collect money for mutual needs? Congratulations, then! As it is highly unlikely that you would ever face financial troubles. But in case if you decided that you are both collecting money to make a trip to another country and in the last moment it turns out that your partner has spent his or her half of money on some personal needs (i.e. partying – no one will judge him or her if he or she needed money because of being ill for example), then you're going to have a very problematic relationship.
8. Are You Okay With Your Partner's Family?
You partner's folks treat you like their own kid and you like them too? You have nothing against spending Thanksgiving Day or Christmas with them? Do you enjoy spending time together with your partner's family? Well, then everything is really great. You are unlikely to have any problems in your relationships if you really fit in your partner's family. But in case if folks don't approve you as their kid's choice, you are most likely to have certain troubles, as it will indirectly affect your relationships.
9. Are Views On Sex The Same?
Are you both into traditional monogamous relationships? Or you prefer open relationships, as only the mental connection really matters, and you both don't mind having one-night stands with somebody else from time to time? You both prefer role playing or you both prefer straightforward sex? You have the same sexual drive? Then, okay. Because if you don't, one of you will definitely suffer. For example, you need sex every day while once a week is quite enough for your partner... something is not right, right? Because either you'll have to tame your appetite or your partner will have to make love to you against his or her will. And you are unlikely to be happy with your partner messing around with someone else, because for him or her it means nothing because there is no mental connection between him or her and those strangers…
10. Are You Ready To Love Them Forever?
The most important question is whether you are ready or not to love your partner forever? If you're going to commit, it means that there's only you and your partner forever and ever. Is he or she your perfect choice or there's something that you don't like about your partner? Is it something small, which can be fixed with time, or it's something really important, which is unlikely to be fixed and you really can't deal with it? If you commit, it means that you are going to be irritated by those small issues for the rest of your life, so better think twice...
11. Will Your Answers To The Same Questions Match?
After asking yourself ten previous question, there is one thing left. Now you need to be honest with yourself and think about the answers to the same questions if they were asked by your partner. Do your answers match? Does your partner thinks of you the same way you think about him or her? Those questions are very important because there must be two for the couple. The collective result will be the answer to your question “Am I ready for commitment?”
Is Commitment All That Necessary?
“Am I ready for a committed relationship?” – funny enough, but to answer this question, you need to ask another one. Ask yourself another question “What is commitment anyway?” Is it really has that much to do with the limitation of freedom and shortage of personal time or is it just your attitude? Most often people are afraid of commitment not because they have doubts about their partners, but of the commitment per se. Two people make vows to each other to stay together forever, what can be simpler?
Commonly, when you think about commitment, you forget about you and your partner. You start thinking about commitment as of some phenomenon, which has nothing to do with your couple. That happens because of that huge aura of responsibility created by society. But do you owe society anything?
Now think that there are only two of you. You and your partner, making vows to be together forever. See? If you take the society away, commitment may become something really beautiful, which both of you can long for.