How to Deal with Money Issues in Love Relationships
Building a true, strong romantic relationship is hard work. Only through perseverance, diligence, sincere intentions, and the flexibility of mind you can achieve your goal. There are many obstacles on the way to love. And your happiness depends on whether you are able to overcome them. One of the most common and most complex difficulties is problems with money. Very often, the lack of finance leads to quarrels, scandals, and misunderstandings even in those couples whose love story at first resembled some kind of sweet romantic comedy. After all, despite many of us may not like it, but money is the foundation on which human life is built. With the help of money, we create conditions for future prosperity, both personal and family.
But we have good news - the problem of lack of money in a love relationship can be solved. To do this, you will need knowledge, that we will give you with pleasure, as well as the desire - your and your partner`s - to overcome difficulties and stay together. Remember that love can overcome any obstacles if love is genuine and sincere.
Money Problems in Relationships - Why They Occur
Every year, there is a growing sense that the materialistic view of life, expressed in the pursuit of a constant accumulation of capital, has deeply penetrated the relations between men and women. The increasing need for material comfort, a constant increase in prices, all kinds of loans and mortgages - these factors strongly affect family well-being. The adage, "A cottage is Paradise with the man you love" has already had its day. Or not? In this matter, it is worth investigating the question of relationships and money if you are planning to create a strong love relationship or solve problems in the existing one.
The race for earning a livelihood in the last century firmly settled in the minds of not only men but also the beautiful half of humanity. Providing a family has long been a joint responsibility of both men and women. And in the modern world, more often there are examples where a wife earns more than her husband. And such alliances, fortunately, are often very successful, despite the stereotypes and a number of difficulties that arise before them during the initial stages. Money problems in relationships is no longer only men`s headache.
But to completely avoid misunderstandings, insults, and quarrels about money is practically impossible. And in the families of a traditional way, where the husband has more income than his wife, too. So this problem of money and relationships is topical for everyone.
Why is money and love so interconnected in the modern world? Why do financial issues affect the success of the relationship between a man and a woman so much? The fact is that the availability of money speaks about the possibility of survival in society. Being financially secure is a particular manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. Therefore, lovers often do not realize why they have quarrels over money. In time, we begin to measure financially even the sacred feelings. It is the very moment when money becomes an issue in a relationship. A man feels that he is loved if he provides a family, and a woman feels loved if her husband gives her money. And if someone does not do this, fighting about money in a relationship occurs.
The beginning of a romantic relationship is always beautiful and for the most part a carefree period. Flowers, gifts, evenings under the stars, trips to cafes and movies. Finance is almost a forbidden topic at this pleasant stage. After all, the main thing is to win the attention of your chosen one. But sooner or later the fairy tale ends and it's time to reduce the debit with the loan and calculate the expenditure. And we face money issues in relationships for the first time.
If we analyze financial problems in relations between the man and the woman globally, then they pour out into two harmonious streams:
- how money comes to the family (by whom and how they are earned);
- how they leave the family (again, how quickly, on what and who it is being wasted)
The disputes in the family are divided into 2 types:
- When there is no money in the family.
- When the family has money.
Such a generalization may seem strange and untrue, but it is only at first glance. If you look at the money issues in relationships objectively, that's exactly what happens. When there is enough money in the family, one type of quarrel arises. Often these quarrels are superficial and rarely lead to serious crises. But if there is no money in the family, there are more and more problems, and there are fewer psychological resources for solving them.
The most common reason for the occurrence of money problems in the family is the disproportionate spending of money. The partners almost always have their own expenditures. Especially when it comes to the loving young people who have not yet learned how to manage their money in relationships. Another common cause is different needs. Someone in a couple is ready to be content with what they have, and someone is aiming at a steady accumulation of the family capital. With this discrepancy of views on the financial side of family life, complex conflicts arise.
Does Money Matter in a Relationship?
When a person starts a family life, they soon find the right answer to the question: does money matter in a relationship? Of course, money plays an important role. After all, financial stability is necessary to create a favorable atmosphere. When we talk about financial stability, we are talking primarily about the means to maintain a certain quality of life. Hence another problem arises: what quality of life is acceptable to you personally? Does your partner share your views? Both partners should honestly answer these questions at the very beginning of the relationship - then the importance of money in the relationship will be within reasonable limits and not grow into an occasion for permanent conflicts.
Married to the Money: Does Such Relationship Last?
There is another type of relationship doomed to failure because of money. These are the cases when two people marry out of financial benefits. Married to the money relationships do last for a few months, sometimes – for a few years. Is it paradoxical? But that's exactly what happens. Mercantile interest is the most fragile foundation for a family. Someone calls such relations a real moral crime, we will not give such assessments, but with certainty, we will say: if you declare your love to a person, but in your heart you love only his / her money, nothing good will come of it.
The whole point is that the family is a kind of stronghold of comfort and human warmth. But if the family is created on the basis of mercantile spirit, there can be no talk of comfort and human warmth. Monetary interest implies only financial convenience. And these are completely incompatible things. Can you imagine a cozy family evening when every member of the family is a cunning accountant who constantly thinks what benefits they will get if they pass the salt to their spouse? Is it possible to imagine a lively, pleasant conversation when each speaker tries to cash in on the interlocutor? This, of course, is absurd. You should change the words in the money and relationships collocation.
If you are determined to create a true love relationship - forget about mercantile attitude towards a loved one. And do not believe in a popular myth that women prefer money relationships - do not be a boring paranoid. Either way or nothing at all.
How to Deal With Money Issues in a Relationship
The financial issue in the family is often very complex and even conflict. That is why learning how to deal with money issues in a relationship is your duty. Ideally, a man should make money in the family. While a woman can earn money in her free time from her family responsibilities. But this is an ideal scenario.
This does not mean that all women now have to sit down and say: "That`s all, I'm not working anymore. I`ve read it in one book that you must earn money! " Situations in life are very different. Sometimes life can turn so that a man will not be able to earn, and this will have to be done by a woman. As the practice shows, women can effectively solve money problems in a relationship.
Therefore, we urge you not to be fanatic about money in the relationship. Everything should be discussed and you should always find the solution to the problem that all parties are happy with.
In the meantime, let's continue to consider the ideal situation. The money earned by a woman belongs only to her and is spent at her discretion. As a rule, this is all about women's beauty, clothes and the like. A man should not think about touching the money that a woman earns. But again the situation can be different …Money and relationships is a very individual topic.
All basic expenses should ideally be undertaken by a man. Payment and purchase of housing, cars, products, repairs and the like - it's all ideally should be on a man. Also, a man should give money to a woman for her personal expenses and, in no case, check what she spent it on. This must be done, as a woman without money falls into a kind of stressful state, which negatively affects everything else. Usually, this is the moment when money becomes an issue in a relationship.
The housekeeping is led by a woman. She decides what products to buy and stuff related to the family life. But again, it is desirable that the man should pay for this. Usually, when he or she reads such words about money in the relationship between a man and a woman, they react differently to them. A man often does not like many items (as this forces him to take full responsibility for all the family's expenses), and the woman, on the contrary, likes it, and we do not need to explain why. But do not relax. We live in such a difficult time, when everyone should think about the integrity and well-being of the family. Both men and women.
A man must control the financial situation in the family. Most often, fighting about money in a relationship is a problem caused by irresponsibility. No doubts, it is necessary for the man to learn how to avoid such issues. He must take into account the changes in spending limits of the family. There also can be economic crises, inflation and the like. If there is not enough money in the family, then the man should think as follows, "I earn too little money. It is necessary to change something."
But he should try not to dump even a part of financial obligations on a woman, otherwise, it will lead her to stress with all the ensuing consequences. He should strive to find a way out of the situation, and she must support him and take the current financial situation with understanding. Bring the relationships and money to harmony.
The described scheme of building financial relations within the family is not the only possible truth. Someone may have their comments on each of the items, someone's life experience suggests that for him a certain look at the financial responsibilities of men and women is not acceptable. But one thing we know for sure: following such a scheme, with small adjustments for each specific case, leads to the disappearance of mutual financial claims.
In the ideal situation, things are as follows: a man earns, but they spend together. But there are fewer ideal situations, so do not be fanatics, and solve all family problems together! Be tolerant to each other, love and understand, help and support each other.