Occasionally we all want to be alone. Isolation can help us analyze our life and behavior. This analysis is very important for us because we can see what we have been doing wrong and what we can improve in our behavior. But sometimes people stay alone for way longer than it is necessary to analyze themselves.
We may stay alone for too long for many different reasons. First of all, it may happen after a very hard breakup. Usually, we simply can’t switch to someone else. Some of us are simply too afraid to try again. While others are “not interested” in new relationships because they have got used to living alone. Frankly speaking, many people live alone, and it doesn’t bother them at all. Maybe you are one of those people? Read our article to learn more about this problem.
Is Being Single for Too Long Bad for You?
As we have said before, being alone is not always bad. Some say that inside of our souls, we have even more life-energy than we can get from the outside. In any case, it is always nice to understand yourself before you decide to have new relationships. The most important thing here is to maintain a balance. When you end your serious relationships, you always need some time to recover before you can dive into the new one.
How long have you been single? If you have ended up your last serious relationships more than a half-a-year ago, and still alone, then you may have a problem. There are two types of problems. The first one is if your loneliness doesn’t bother you at all. In this case, you may have faced moral trauma at some point in life. Remember, it is not okay to stay alone for the whole life. You may try to visit a professional therapist to solve this problem if you are too depressed about being single for so long.
The second type of problem is when it bothers you. It is way easier to fix the second type, then the first one. Try to answer the question, "Why are you alone?" Many women are seeking younger men out there, but for some reason, you are not with one of those women yet. Don’t be afraid of these problems. We are sure that you will be able to fix them. Remember, if you understand that there is a problem, then you are on the halfway of solving it. There are many places where to meet a woman, the only thing you should do is to find a room for love in your heart.
10 Signs You've Been Single Too Long
Maybe you are just exaggerating this problem, and there is nothing bad in it at all. To know for sure, you should read our 10 signs that will help you understand if you have been single too long. Some of those signs are useless apart from the system because every average human may possess one of them. This is why it is important to have a systematical approach here. Read and analyze all those signs. If you have more than 4 of them, then you suffer from solitude.
Happy couples irritate you
If, when you see two happy people together, you start subconsciously hating them, then you have been alone for way too long. This happens because your mind begins to replace the shortage of love with irritation. Usually, people are easily bothered by things they miss in their life. This happens exactly because of those processes in brains. The best thing you can do about that is to start looking for a partner or avoid seeing happy couples. Unfortunately, this irritation will be rising until you begin to date someone.
You downgrade a potential partner's criteria
You begin to downgrade your criteria for your future partner because you are not feeling confident. Usually, you lose confidence in your romantic abilities after being single for too long. From one point of view, lowering criteria is a good thing because people tend to search for a perfect partner. From the other one, you won’t be able to have a happy relationship if you drop your criteria too low. The answer to this problem is balance. You must understand that you won’t be able to date a princess, but it doesn’t mean that you should date a homeless junkie.
You watch at strangers with a sincere interest
Usually, people don’t pay too much attention to strangers on the street. But if you have become one of those who watch strangers with a sincere interest, then it means that you desperately need relationships or just any social contacts with other people. This is a clear sign that you have been single for too long. The best thing you can do in this situation is to immediately contact your friends and invite them somewhere. If you don’t have friends, then it is useful to visit your local clubs where people share their interests and hobbies. There you will be able to find social contacts and friends.
You start making up the benefits of being single no matter how unhappy you are
This is one of the effects of being single too long. You begin to believe that you are happy alone, and someone else will only destroy your happiness, and that is why you don’t need anyone. Many people drag themselves in such a trap. Remember, it is not okay to be alone, no matter what your brain is telling you. The more you are “satisfied” with your solitude, the fewer chances you have to finally find someone. There are no long-term benefits of loneliness. You may say that you will have to pay twice as much for the utilities if you start living with someone. But you forget that you will start earning more too. And the same happens with every other “problem” of couples.
Your hobbies stop bringing you joy
People tend to dive into their hobbies when they are not happy about their life. This is the first stage. At this stage, they substitute their general happiness with happiness from their hobbies, life achievements with achievements in hobbies and so on. The second stage is when even your hobbies can't feel the gap of unhappiness in your life. If this has happened to you, then you need to get together and start changing your life. The best place to begin the recovery process is to change your apparel. Go to your local gym or buy new clothes. The next step is to change your daily habits. Quit smoking, start spending more time with your friends and relatives.
You start thinking of your ex
Not too many people can break up with their ex-partners and remain friends. Thinking about your ex-partners is always a bad idea. You must understand that he or she was your past, and is not going to be your future. If you are one of those people who managed to remain friends with ex-lover, then there are some chances that your love will appear again. Although we would not recommend you to go back to your ex. But if you haven’t managed to remain friends with him or her, and now you are thinking about your ex relations, then you have real problems.
You become very cynical
Usually, the most cynical people are unhappy people. This happens because they begin to project their unhappiness on everyone else. They start believing that, “If everything is bad in my life, then it will be bad in everyone’s else life too.” Cynical people don’t believe that something good can happen in their life, and with their cynicism, they try to defend their souls from problems. This approach never pays off. If you see that you are becoming very cynical, then it means that you are a very unhappy person. In the context of this article, we can say that you are single for too long.
Your relatives ask about your personal life more often
Humans are social creatures. We need to know that those whom we love are successful and those whom we hate are suffering from something. Yes, this sounds harsh and rude, but in general, it is all like that, but we all hide it. Now, when you know why your relatives ask you about your personal life, you can understand why those questions bother you so much. If you haven't dated in years, then, of course, everyone will be interesting why and will ask questions that are generally harmless. But you, in your conditions may consider those questions to be a threat.
Friends always try to introduce you to someone
Usually, friends know more about us than anyone else. Thus, your friends see that you have a problem with being single for a long time. They try to find a way to help you. This is the reason why they always try to introduce you to someone. Unfortunately, this method never works because even though your friends know a lot about you, they don’t see or understand the real reasons for your solitude. There are no external factors that can help you deal with this problem until you understand what caused it
Your self-confidence falls
Lonely people have lower self-confidence than those who have partners. This happens due to two factors. The first factor is that there is no one around who can give a compliment or simply tell you how good and important you are. And the second factor is that people tend to blame themselves for their problems. The more you blame, the deeper this problem becomes, the deeper the problems are, the more you blame yourself. Solitude can literary terminate your self-confidence. If this happens to you after being single for a long time, then it means that you have been single for way too long.
How to Get Back into the Dating Scene After Being Single for a Long Time
Now, when you know that there is a problem in your life, you may ask how to get back into dating after being single for a long time. Yes, you may have problems with dating after being single for a long time because your dating skills have become too “rusty.” But there is nothing to be afraid of. Read our advice on how to get back into dating after being single for too long.
1. Raise your self-confidence
The first thing you need to do is to work on your self-confidence. As it was mentioned above, your self-confidence decreases significantly when you are alone. Now, you must revert this process. But how? Spend more time with your friends, get involved in different challenges, start to think more positively about yourself. Every evening before going to sleep mention what you have done today and promise yourself that you will become better and more efficient tomorrow. Treat your bad days as a source of wisdom and energy for the good ones. Slowly but steadily your self-confidence will rise again.
2. Find what your romantic preferences are
Before searching for a new romantic partner, you must clearly understand what you want from him or her, and who you want your new lover to be. Write down a list of traits you want to see in your partner. This will help you create an imaginable picture of your future partner. People are afraid of the unknown, and with this approach, you will already know what to expect from him or her. You may be even able to foresee your new partner’s steps. Besides, according to his or her interests and personality, you will know where to look for such a person.
3. Try online dating
Today you can search for a romantic partner without actually going anywhere. There are many various dating services available. You can try them all and find something the most suitable for you. This method is especially good if you are not self-confident enough yet. Because all you need to do in online dating is to upload four or five nice pictures of you and write a short bio. After those steps, you need to be able to maintain conversations with girls. Online dating is a very nice and convenient way to find a lover.
4. Go shopping
During the time that you have been alone, you didn’t care about fashion and progress. You probably have outdated devices and old clothes. It is the best time to change it all! Visit your local stores and upgrade your smartphone and fitness tracker, then go-to clothing and choose a new style for yourself. Yes, this will probably cost you a lot of money. But you invest in all in yourself. The golden rule of investors works pretty well. It says, “The more you invest in yourself, the more you get in the future.”
Now when you know the main signs of being single too long and know how to deal with your solitude, you shouldn't be too pushy on yourself. Too much pressure can crack anyone. It is not a problem if you don't find a partner in a couple of weeks. You have to enjoy the process of searching. The more you enjoy it, the easier it will be for you to find someone. The most important thing here is that you've started to act and work on changing your life.
Pay more attention to your own needs and feelings. Remember, you are searching for real love, and not trying to break World records of any kind. Your happiness is in your hands, and after reading this article, you have obtained a key to it. Now, all you need to do to get a reward is to use it wisely.