Scientists who have dedicated their lives to studying the phenomena of forgiveness and self forgiveness now agree that being able to forgive another person makes one of the most significant contributors to a long-lasting healthy relationship. In this way, the recent studies have shown that romantic couples practicing forgiveness are a lot more likely to maintain longer and happier romantic relations. One of the researches has even found that romantic partners practicing unconditional ways of forgiveness have a better chance to support longer partnerships.
And without a single doubt, forgiving your beloved other half if they have done something wrong to upset you might be the hardest thing to do in an entire relationship. When you are feeling down, angry or even betrayed, the idea of forgiving somebody may appear a whole like giving in – as if, say, by letting go the bigger part of your resentment, you are allowing your partner to literally get away with it, meaning you both are totally okay.
Yet, on the other hand, it might feel more tempting to hang onto the “aftershocks” of the insult – feeling distant and frosty as a way of punishing your loving partner for upsetting you. However, it is not an unusual feeling. Working through these types of complicated feelings can and will take some time. And forgiveness is always a bold step in the right direction. It involves a person being able to make a totally deliberate decision to leave their significant other’s transgressions – or perceived transgressions way behind so that both partners can finally move forward together.
What is forgiveness?
Knowing what forgiveness actually is can be as essential as asking for forgiveness. That’s why experts studying the concept of forgiveness and those teaching people how to excuse others make it clear that when a person forgives, he or she does not gloss over or deny all the seriousness of an offense against him or her. It doesn’t stand for forgetting, nor does it mean allowing or excusing an insult. And while forgiveness can help fix a damaged relationship, it will not obligate you to reconcile with someone who brought harm to you or release a person from legal accountability.
Instead, it can bring the forgiver total peace of mind and free him from that corrosive anger. Although there is some debate over whether a real forgiveness may require positive feelings toward the person that offended you, most scientists tend to agree on the point that it will at least involve setting loose those deeply stored negative emotions. Thus, it can empower you to recognize all the pain you had to suffer without letting that pain overwhelm you, enabling you to heal and get over with your life. Speaking of forgiveness in the Bible, it is described as an act of pardoning an offender. In the Holy Bible, originally Greek word translated as “forgiveness” means “to let go,” pointing at when a person doesn’t demand payment for an insult.
Why is forgiveness important in a relationship?
Forgiveness in a relationship is considered the key component to a healthy romantic partnership, because, let’s face it, none of us is perfect. Regardless how close to our soulmate we can be, every single person is incredibly different from another one. Couples who have succeeded in forming that “fantasy bond“ in their effort to fuse identities, appear to fall completely into syncing and functioning as one organism and are forgetting that simple fact. In this way, they are also setting themselves up for a greater disappointment.
Asking for forgiveness in a relationship is an absolute necessity, as the heartache is inevitable when a person deeply trusts himself to another one. When you are in love with somebody, you open your heart becoming emotionally vulnerable. Even one minor imprudent word from your beloved partner might potentially cause an incurable scar on your heart.
The reality of the forgiveness in relationships is that if you don’t wish your heart to be broken, don’t love anyone. Still, if your desire is a totally successful long-lasting intimate relationship, be ready to learn how to forgive.
It is absolutely essential to accept that all of us have unique minds and points of view. We all can be hurt, offended, flawed and inevitably going to commit some mistakes throughout our lifetime. Recognizing this perspective, though, does not mean we have to fall silent and put up with abuses. At the same time, if we want to enjoy a durable relationship with another person we must value and choose to live our whole lives with the ability to forgive.
How to ask for forgiveness properly
When asking our loving person for forgiveness, we swallow our ego. It is certainly one of the toughest things to do, but there is no other way to fix things when we have messed up. Even if we are not forgiven, we feel like we’ve liberated ourselves from that nasty inner voice saying we could’ve done more. When you have messed up really big time, the following suggestions on how to make a girl forgive you will work out well even if your misdemeanor was a solid one.
1. Admit where you screwed up
This is the very first thing you should understand: you can’t demand forgiveness. It is always the free choice of the other person. Yet, when you really need to be forgiven, the way you say you’re sorry can make a huge difference. Begin with acknowledging your mistakes. Your acknowledgment will give the other person the needed hope that you will never allow the same mistake again. Simply recognize your failure. After that, you are ready to honestly ask for forgiveness.
2. Explain what went awfully wrong and take responsibility for your actions
In order to learn how to make your girlfriend forgive you, you need to admit there actually was some particular reason behind your deeds. Why did you do whatever you did? It is vital to reveal the motives. The most important thing here is to stay 100% honest. Do not attempt to justify yourself. Instead, be prepared to take full responsibility for all your actions and don’t forget to explain the motive behind those.
3. Show sincere regret
Once you have hurt your significant other with your poor words or actions, your girlfriend will be going through an emotional rollercoaster. And perhaps, that is by far the most accurate word to describe those feelings. Probably she is among those people who deeply believe in you. In any case, she won’t be staying completely indifferent to your actions.
In order to ask for her forgiveness, you will need to demonstrate that you truly regret having done what you’ve done. If possible, try to understand why she is hurt that big and how your actions made her feel. When you show such empathy, your beloved woman will surely understand that you do care about the way she feels. Of course, you have to be completely honest. Never be faking empathy! Most females can clearly see through that act.
4. Tell your partner you will fix things (and keep your word!)
After you show you have understood your mistake, go ahead and explain why you used to make it and definitely say you fully realize how that made her feel. It is time to focus on the future! And that future is yours and your partner’s. What do you need to do from this point on? How can you learn to prevent similar unpleasant situations from occurring? Your girl will definitely expect you to guarantee that you won’t be acting in the same manner again. Furthermore, you have to stay true to all of your promises.
5. Allow your lover to be angry for a while
You say asking for forgiveness is hard? Forgiving might be even harder. When a person is really deeply hurt, it impossible to act like nothing had ever happened. It is partly ego, but the other part may speak of the lost trust. If your girlfriend had her faith in you and you did not respect that and were too ignorant, she will be reminded of that very moment whenever she looks you in the eye. So, your next move will be letting the girl express her emotions. Maybe she is not ready to forgive you at the moment. Just accept that. Make your honest apologies and leave the decision to her. This step cannot guarantee you her forgiveness, but it can make you a better man.
Be totally patient when asking for forgiveness and avoid begging for it. If her wound from your insult is pretty serious, it will certainly need more time to heal. Your lover might not be fully ready to make peace with you. Just yet. However, if your apology is genuine and respectful, you are making the right first step towards repairing relations and reestablishing communication.
When going through those stages, you might have particular thoughts telling you that you were a real fool, when you let your precious other half get hurt so easily. But, being vulnerable will actually make her more prepared for a serious relationship and create a more compassionate partnership.
So, in the instances when somebody is regularly hurting us with absolutely no signs of changing for the better, we can be free in our choice to move on without torturing ourselves by plummeting into the feeling of victimization and shame. Yet, when talking about the road bumps we experience with the ones we trust and choose to be with, it undoubtedly makes us easier to forgive.
Summing It Up
Forgiveness in its basic meaning is an ability to let go of the desire, the necessity and, finally, the “right” to demand punishment or restitution from that somebody who had offended us. When forgiving, we stop fanning the flames of anger, and instead try to look for the ways to restore what has been lost. Forgiveness can provide a truly unique way to make your romantic relationship deeper and strengthen what you have built together that may not be possible any other way.
Forgiveness can allow us to move beyond our pain, to heal the wounds and to keep growing. Forgiveness also provides grace to our partners for everything wrong that was experienced. It does not have the purpose to equalize a situation, does not look for whether it is fair or not, rather, looks at preventing the pain from taking root. It definitely requires two willing hearts to look beyond the injury and to recognize each other’s pain that has become their mutual.
Forgiveness is one of the greatest, unexplored and unmerited gifts we can offer to our beloved partners. We release the right to bring a sense of equality to the situation, disarming all the pain and hurt by looking beyond and keeping moving ahead.