Dating a Pathological Liar and Cheater
People often sincerely hope that they hear only the truth. However, it is obvious that such expectation is pure “illusion” because all of us lie. However, no matter how insignificant a lie is, it doesn’t change its essence. A lie, as indicated in the psychological dictionary, is the intentional distortion of the real state of things in order to mislead another person. And the more a person lies, the more it enters into his or her life, displacing the truth from it. However, here we should make a small note: it is one thing to use lies consciously and understand for what it is done, and it is another thing to lie, sincerely believing that this is not a lie but the “pure truth”. This can be observed when a person encounters the so-called pathological liar.
What is a pathological liar?
We all know that lying is not good. But it is worth remembering that the lie itself is a way of life for some people. It is simple enough to understand who a pathological liar is. Perhaps you have watched or read works about the so-called Baron Munchausen. This character had a lot of fiction – he threw objects to the moon and got them out there, climbed up the stems of peas, and so on. One of Munchausen’s most important characteristics was that he hated lying and, therefore, considered all his stories to be pure truth. This important feature is always inherent in pathological liars – they believe in what they say, most often insulting or offending an interlocutor if he or she tries to catch them in a lie. Therefore, it is often possible to find another definition of a pathological liar, namely, the Munchhausen complex. However, these names don’t limit this mental state. You can meet such terms as, for example, pseudology and mythology, denoting the same pathological lie.
Can a pathological liar change? Yes, but it takes time. A person who is in a state of mythology has a special type of personality or a special mental state that encourages him/her to do just that. This state doesn’t appear from anywhere but goes back to some deep psychological problems or traumas. Most often this behavior is associated with low self-esteem or childish experiences. Specialists note that most often pathological liars are people who suffered greatly from lack of love in their childhood and cruel criticism from adults. Such a person resists the realities of life and the fragile psyche of a child creates an imaginary, illusory world. In such a “world”, a child has everything for which he/she can be loved – these are qualities of character, different things, and rich relatives, etc. But, at the same time, growing up, such a child often can’t understand (distinguish) a lie and, accordingly, begins to protect his/her world from any invasion of reality. But, at the same time, other people feel that liars themselves can’t understand that the basis is completely missing from it.
How to spot a pathological liar
Here are 8 ways to help you learn signs of a pathological liar:
Pay attention to the phrases that you hear from a woman. Phrases such as “This was the last time”, “It happened by chance”, and “This will not happen again” are familiar to any man. However, if she cheated once, then with a probability of 99, 9%, she could cheat again and again. And such phrases are simply an excuse. And if you sense something wrong in her stories, then maybe there is a deception. And don’t forget that deception can be recognized precisely by small things. Therefore, a liar will not go into details, subtleties, and nuances – only general information.
In general, speech and gestures can give away deception. So, if during a story, a woman begins to scratch her nose, cover her mouth with her hand, touch her lips, then she is afraid to tell you something beyond the necessary. Liars quite often scratch their necks and chins or just touch themselves during a conversation.
Dealing with a pathological liar, it is worth paying attention to her behavior. In a conversation with you, a woman may turn away. With this gesture, she expresses the hope that her words will not touch you and she will not have to answer undesirable questions. Hands, folded on the chest, mean a defensive position. It is like protection for her.
4. Thoughtful plan
A calm speech is not at all a sign of truthfulness. Quite possibly, an answer was thought out in advance. Liars think over their answers very carefully so it’s difficult to catch them. But still, it’s possible: just ask a question that she certainly doesn’t expect. For example, if she claimed to be with friends in a cafe, ask in what clothes one of her friends was. This is how to deal with a pathological liar.
Start a frank conversation with her. If she tries to change the subject, while showing her sexuality, this is one of the signs of some secrets. Women understand that this is their main weapon and skillfully use it. Try to insist on your own and continue the topic of the conversation and then you can understand whether a girl is lying to you.
Every man likes to please a woman with gifts, various flowers, and surprises to see how happy she is. If you make a surprise to a girl and she is uncomfortable with taking it or she doesn’t know what to say to you and silently blushes, then this is the reason for suspicion. However, this is not the most correct way because we are all different and the reaction, respectively, can be different. Maybe your girl is just shy and it will be much better than to find out that she is lying.
Probably the surest way to find out if your girlfriend is lying to you is to listen carefully to her answers. A pause between words means that she carefully selects them. This way of presenting a lie is very effective because you yourself involuntarily may believe in it. So, you need to be careful. However, there is also a method, which completely contradicts the above. It is oratorical speech. This method is often used by public figures when they speak eloquently on television. Its essence is simple: if a girl responds immediately and very eloquently to your question, it will let you know that a girl is deceiving. Most likely, she got prepared for your questions in advance. Also, once again, try to change the subject. If she deceives, she will readily support your initiative, and if not, then she will want to understand everything to the end. These are pathological liar signs.
Anger, irritation, and aggressiveness have a bad effect on relationships and often destroy them. But it is one thing when a woman is angry after a hard working day (then both a quarrel and reconciliation will pass quickly), but when you ask her about what you suspect and she has an instant deterioration in mood and an aggressive response follows, it is very bad. If a girl is angry and tries to blame you for everything, saying that she doesn’t trust you, then surely she hides some truth from you.
Pathological liar traits
Here are 8 distinctive features that all liars have. Watch out if something like this happens in your relationship:
1. They are notorious people
Lies and rumors can be a way to communicate with others. They feel more confident about this. Also, a woman, who often lies, can speak untruthfully about herself, in order to look like a romantic sufferer in the eyes of others.
2. They like to manipulate
One of the reasons people lie is the desire to play with the feelings of others. Embellishing facts or using logical stretches, liars can easily manipulate the reaction of listeners (especially if they know their audience well).
3. They hide their feelings
Liars hide not only facts, they also hide their true feelings from others. They lie not to come face to face with the truth.
4. They are good listeners
Whatever people think, experienced liars know how to listen to interlocutors. This gives them information that they can use in the future. They thus determine what you will be easier to believe. Studying you, they will learn what exactly they need to say in order to manipulate your actions and emotions. This is one of the characteristics of a pathological liar.
5. They want to charm you
When liars listen to you, they smile, nod, take a trusting position, lean forward, and come into an eye contact while listening. All these actions are usually associated with honest and friendly people. Don’t be deceived by this. They just want to charm you.
6. They often blame others
In order not to be caught in a lie, they can easily distract attention from themselves to someone else. To understand what is true and what is not, always draw information from a direct source of information and don’t believe different rumors.
7. They have a good memory
Experienced liars can remember the smallest details of their statements so as not to get caught up in contradictions.
8. They hide information
The less they say, the less they have to keep in mind. Despite the fact that experienced liars remember different little things, they know that too much information can confuse them. Liars also deliberately miss out various details from their stories to manipulate you.
Dating a pathological liar
Most likely, dating a pathological liar, her lies hurt you because you lose a sense of security and confidence in your partner. What if a woman lies? How to help a pathological liar? What to do dating such a person? It is a very difficult dilemma.
Stop pressing her
Often the cause of woman’s lies is the behavior of a woman. Already in school, girls get accustomed to the fact that it is easier to lie, delaying the moment of punishment, than to be punished immediately. Growing up, they transfer this model of behavior to relationships with men. If a woman finds a man who tries to control her every step, she has nothing but to lie about something to avoid his reproachful look or even a scandal. So, stop controlling her and ask about every little thing. Give her space for maneuvers. When she stops fearing your reaction, a lie can disappear from your life.
Talk about lies
Are you sure that your behavior doesn’t cause a lie? If yes, then you need to talk about what’s bothering you. Dating a pathological liar, say that you can’t trust her yet, you feel very insecure. After all, if a girl lies once, she can lie again and again. Promise that you will accept any truth whatever shocking it may be.
Decide why you need to know the truth
What to do if you lose confidence in her because a girl lies all the time and you begin to doubt whether it’s worth living with her? It’s time to decide whether you will stay with her or tolerate more lies. As they say – if you love, just close your eyes. It’s easy to say, but it’s difficult to live with it. In short, in order not to torture oneself dating a pathological liar, make a decision that should completely change your life and, accordingly, your relationship.