Have you ever been bored in a relationship? I have been. In fact, a saying, “If you are bored with a person, you are the one who’s boring” doesn’t suit me at all. Two interesting people can be bored as well as two boring humans can be interesting. What I am saying is that it is completely normal to not feel the excitement when with a partner. Life is not all perks and giggles.
Maybe each of us had a stage of eternal boredom that never seemed to end. Some of us left, others talked it out with their significant other and maybe came up to a conclusion. But a boredom phase is known even to those who are madly in love. So what? We love our parents, our kids, our friends, but every now and then, we need to be alone, away from this annoyance.
Do All Relationships Have a Stage of Boredom?
But does everyone have a boring relationship? If you ask this question frequently, then don’t worry. Almost everyone gets annoyed or dissatisfied with their partner. Maybe you are experiencing hardships in your life, or your partner gets locked up in their feelings. There’s even a term, coined by the Urban Dictionary, called “Boring Couple Syndrome.” Eventually, everything cools off. Once passionate and hot relationships do get kind of boring. You settle down with one way of being comfortable and easy. That’s not always a bad thing, although, a little bit destructive for both of you.
What Makes a Relationship Boring?
When things get boring in a relationship? When a relationship starts going from exciting to borderline dull? And, most importantly, is there a way to fix it?
1. You are depressed. When partners are in their headspace all the time, there is no way to spend a lot of time communicating, sharing interesting stories and doing something fun together. They get wiped up by a cocoon of bitterness and melancholy. When things are not going great at work, children are mischievous, and you feel down and lonely, there’s no way you have enough energy to spice up a boring relationship. When you or your partner have a lot of personal issues, relationships can take a backseat in your life. So if you see signs of your partner’s attitude change, talk about it and don’t miss a stage where you can take them away from internal pain and suffering without it affecting your relationship.
2. Your sexual life is boring. Sure, sex is great and is one of the most important assets in a relationship, but what if you don’t want it with this person anymore or at all? That can be a bummer, especially if this issue is not mutual. According to a poll in the Journal of Sex Research, 27% of women and 41% of men are sexually dissatisfied in their relationship. These are huge numbers? Sure, we do tend to get comfy and kind of lazy once a couple since there is no point in charming a person you’ve been with. Girls slack off from their beauty routine, eventually, and guys get passive and not hungry for sex at all. This leads to a cheating problem. Statistics makes it clear: according to the Normal Bar survey, 71% of men and 49% of women cheat because they're bored. That is truly alarming!
3. You’ve known each other for YEARS! When do we get the most interested? When we see a new prey. When we have a chance to play an invincible character, trying to impress a potential lover. But once you’ve seen each other doing some truly nasty things, once you read each other like an open book, there’s not much room for imagination. One thing if you meet a girl now, so she’s clueless about who you are. But imagine living with a person who knows all of your weak spots, so it’s hard to impress them. If you meet single girls online, presenting yourself as a neat person, they might believe you, given that they haven’t seen your dwelling. But once you try to prove it to your wife, you can see that really unnerving smirk on her face that makes you forget all the pickup lines.
4. You have a boring life. Once all set, you live in a schedule. You wake up together (some of us even work together), have breakfast together, wine and dine at the same restaurant (or, even worse, only order in food), have the same sex positions, watch the same Netflix shows, talk to a same circle of people, and cry over the same problems. It looks like a doomed circle to me. Some of us describe it as a perfect married life.
5. Your partner never changes. You haven’t seen your wife change a hairstyle for years. Your husband only promises you to go to gym and work on his muscles and never do that. You get to know your partner’s habits and rituals. You know how they hold a toothbrush; how high they lift their ankle while exercising or how much salt they’ll add to scrambled eggs. Being stupid people that we are, we never realize things we can actually talk about! We like to whine about our partner being the same without doing radical steps ourselves. And yes, your partner will never change unless you help them (or better, join them).
6. You are getting old. Young couples never get bored, they can party and travel the world, penniless. That seems terrifying to an older person. But remember the times we felt the most alive? These were risky moments when we used to roll with our partner in crime, being each other’s ride or die. These are the moments you want to return.
7. You never discuss the issues and let them thrive. Remember that having arguments is good when they are healthy. A lot of couples like to close their eyes on so many things: cheating, alcohol addiction, lack of ambition, untidiness, rudeness, lack of emotions, greediness. We are infuriated, but we are never ready to discuss it. This coping mechanism can make you expect the worst from your partner, distancing from them, eventually. And these are only some of the many boring relationship signs you might’ve stumbled upon.
Methods to Prevent Boredom in a Relationship
How to not be bored in a relationship? Are there any “boring relationship” tips? How to avoid a boring relationship? What if my relationship’s getting boring? Don’t worry, I always have those questions in mind, too. But, with right assistance and some willingness to fix a problem, you can save a relationship, even being married for 20 years.
1. Talking, talking, talking
Yes, even if you feel like discussing is the last thing you want to do in a boring relationship. Many things might have been said in the past year, many promises might have been not kept. But the only way to save a boring, wilting relationship is through discussing the issue. What bothers your partner? Do you spend too much time together? Does one of you have a problem with something? Are there any things to fix in the nearest future? People lose their relationships because they go with the flow, “She always does this thing, but I don’t want to intrude, so nah…” If your problem goes way back, and it’s a sticky situation, it’s time to see a family therapist.
2. Escape your comfort zone together
Remember that a boring relationship is a mutual problem of two people who are too comfortable with each other. Imagine you always cook the same food for 5 years, sleep in the same pajamas and never watch a different TV show. Life reminds of a never-ending circle. So do things that are uncomfortable for some reasons. Do things against your religion! Put on fancy clothes and go to the most pompous restaurant you can afford. Watch a movie you wouldn’t even dare to watch. Try weird roleplays. Ditch your job for a day and go to a different city. And it’s as desperate as it sounds. Things like that can make you laugh at last.
3. Experiment in bed
Couples don’t even like sex at some point. Not only you’ve known this body for years, you even get the same response from it each time. You know what’s going to be next. And that’s horrible. To change the scenery, do something exciting with your partner. Be erotic and ask the same from your significant other. Talk about desires and bring in some ammunition. Establish new rules or be unpredictable. Unfortunately, people often become predictable not because of the boring sex, but because of them giving up on themselves.
4. Stop being predictable
We like to blame a partner for a stable relationship, but why doesn’t anyone ask, “How to stop being boring in a relationship?” Trace your life. Maybe you have given up some hobbies, lost a job, got carried away by routine. Things like that inevitable reflect on your relationship. You need to start feeling alive again. Try a spiritual journey, read inspiring literature, find a mentor, go to a therapist. Being boring is a habit, it’s a way of life. Since we copy our lover’s behavioral on-goings, we can’t stay energized and happy while the other one is sad and depressed. That is why you need to feel alive, both of you, not to sink into routine and melancholy.
5. Make a change of scenery
What if you could travel the world and live in a different place each month? Or go on a bus trip all over Europe? Imagine you staying at a different place with a romantic entourage? Changes arouse us and make us see our partner as a new person.
What Is the Main Danger of a Relationship Boredom?
A lot of us underestimate the consequence of a boring relationship, but sometimes it is vital. Not only it can lead to a betrayal of your partner, them being an infidel or breaking up with you over a new way of life.
Boredom infiltrates in our bones and becomes an everyday habit. When you live a boring life, you become a boring person – not the other way around. If you see this scenario every day, you start perceiving routine as something normal, eventually giving up on yourself, forgetting how energetic or enthusiastic you were used to being in your young years. Boredom is contagious, so once you see some negative changes, talk to your partner ASAP and don’t let this lifestyle dictate your way of being!
What can we make out of this? Boredom is a disease that silently poisons your life. It can be hard to trace since you always blame yourself or your partner. But what you need to realize is that a boring relationship is a mutual product. And, most importantly, it is never late to change things for better and talk it out.