How to Survive a Breakup When You Are Still in Love
Some people perceive a breakup as the end of the world. They are right to some extent because the breakup is the end of the lifestyle they get used to. In this case, it is hard to believe that time heals, and everything will be okay. Everyone wants to know how to survive a breakup as soon as possible.
Previously, there was only a subjective opinion about how long it would take to survive the breakup when you are still in love. There was quite an interesting theory that you need a half of the time you were together to forget about the person. However, it doesn’t give consolation to those who decide to divorce after 20 years of marriage. So, scientists became interested in this issue.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
It doesn’t matter how skeptical you are, it’s turned out that time really heals, and it is possible to switch on a timer for your broken heart. You need at least three months to feel better and start noticing bright colors around you again. In three months after the breakup, people start seeing the positive side of the situation.
Scientific point of view. One of the journals has published the study in which more than 150 young men and women took part. All of them survived the breakup 11 months ago. Most respondents (72%) agreed with the positive statements, "I’ve learned myself better," "I’ve grown as a person" and "I’ve become more self-motivated.” Of course, three months is not a universal period. Some people need more time to heal a heart wound when other people consider one month to be the necessary period to deal with a breakup and move on. The main thing is to know how to get through a breakup effectively.
Withdrawal symptoms. A breakup makes you experience symptoms resembling withdrawal ones when you have chemical dependence, that’s why it is so difficult to survive a breakup when you are still in love. Previously, studies with the use of MRI machines showed that rejection, which you experience when leaving, activates the same areas in the brain as physical pain. That's why usual painkillers like aspirin help deal with heartache.
Don’t despair. Everything depends on the circumstances that accompanied the breakup. The stronger your pain, anger, and self-pity are, the more time you need to start thinking about new dates. How to survive a bad breakup? If your relationship has finished very badly and suddenly, you need more time to recover, especially if you have children. It might worth visiting a specialist. Although, some people believe that it is psychologically easier for the initiator of the breakup to get through this unpleasant thing because they have time to prepare for leaving, it's not so. As the study has shown, both sides, regardless of who was the initiator of the breakup, need about three months to get over it.
Analyzing the results, the authors of the study have found that emotional growth and positive emotions are very important results of a breakup. It’s possible to express the same thought with Nietzsche's catchphrase, “What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.”
How to get over a breakup fast?
Everybody experiences a breakup in different ways, and each has their own special recipe. It is not necessary that women suffer more than men, getting over a breakup. Men show their emotions in public extremely rare. The psychology of family relationships constantly proves that the breakup is much more complicated and painful for a man than for a girl. A confident man can become defenseless and weak after the breakup with a young lady. He is very worried about that, although he cannot always show his feelings. Men prefer to keep the stuff bottled up. However, the stress, caused by the breakup can be quite dangerous for the emotional health of the young man. That’s why it is very important to be aware of some special tips on how to survive a breakup – for guys.
1. Let yourself show emotions. Do you ask yourself, “How do I survive a breakup?” The first and most important thing is to allow yourself to survive the breakup in full force with all the feelings that accompany it. What does it mean? Cry if you want, mope and be capricious if necessary. Perhaps, someone decides that a man cannot break down and be depressed because a man must stay firm, and such a weakness will inevitably lead to depression.
You should remember that any action brings the reaction. This means that the more a man tries to cope with a breakup, the more difficult the process of his recovery will be. Therefore, it is much more effective to notice your feelings, give them the correct names, and live, watching the internal changes. Then the process of recovery will be much faster. You shouldn’t both go with the flow, helplessly immersed in the ocean of your experiences and try to look like a happy man. Be natural and attentive to yourself during this period. It's pointless to pretend that everything is okay. You should help yourself calm down and survive the breakup.
2. Ask your girlfriend why she is leaving. This information is important for you not to repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship. How to survive a breakup when you are still in love? Make sure that this is the end. It may also happen that the young lady does not want to discuss the situation, explaining the root causes of her decision. In this case, you can only accept her choice and move on.
3. Determine the date. How to survive a breakup with someone you love? Fix a date on the calendar when you are going to get rid of attachment to the girl. That’s the day when you really forget her. This method has been repeatedly tested and confirmed in practice. If the girl leaves you, do not think that you could influence her decision to stay. The girl’s decision is a confirmation of the fact that the relationship has long ceased to suit you both, but she decides to take the first step to move on without you. Thank the girl for saving your precious time.
4. Gather her things. Gather all her things and take them back to her. You shouldn’t have any reminder of her presence, and you will forget about her in time. You shouldn’t do things that you did together earlier. You shouldn’t visit places where you were happy together. Don’t harrow your feelings with memories, scrolling up your mutual photos.
5. Visit a psychologist. How to survive a breakup when you have no friends? Some people are very embarrassed to emotionally burden their loved ones, and they prefer to bottle themselves up in their experiences and problems. Other people just don’t have true friends to share their feelings. Therefore, you should either find a good psychologist or communicate with loved ones, telling them what you care about. Just warn them beforehand that you do not expect a miracle, some magic decisions, and clever statements. You just need to talk. After all, often, when you say something out loud, you can find the way out much faster. Thus, you will find answers to many difficult questions and calm down after the breakup.
6. Don’t speak badly of your ex. If you perceive yourself as a victim, there is a great temptation to blame her in all your troubles, to make her look like a real monster in order to numb your pain and justify your failure. This desire is a pitfall on the way to your recovery. You should never look for allies to create a "black image" of the ex-partner. Besides, you shouldn’t waste your energy on thoughts of revenge or retribution. Remember that you’ve made a mutual contribution to your breakup. Don’t point fingers if you want to get over the breakup fast.
7. Go to the gym or start keeping a diary. Instead of discussing the negative circumstances of your life with ex-partner, learn how to express your anger and hatred in physical exercises. If there is no such possibility, try to write down all your thoughts. It is absolutely safe for others and very eco-friendly for you. Waking up in the morning, write down everything that appears in the head or eats the soul without hesitation. Even a week of such work will bring noticeable changes in your emotional state.
8. Think about forgiveness. If you managed to deal with your feelings, then this is the beginning of the road towards happiness. Try to reconsider the situation with your breakup and begin to forgive yourself and your ex-partner for the breakup. This is important, first of all, personally for you, for your future life and new relationship.
Recognize that none of you intended to destroy the couple in advance, and each of you should go through the breakup in your own ways. Gradually, you will understand that everything has developed in the best way, that the experienced trials have revealed completely new ways and possibilities to you. This means that you are already at the turn of a new state and are ready to take the next step to your new life.
How to be happy after a breakup?
A breakup is a very unpleasant and painful process, it is the hardest stress for most people due to fear of loneliness and pain of resentment, a lack of understanding of how to get over a bad breakup and start everything from the scratch. Nonetheless, life does not come to an end, it continues, and your main task is to become happy again.
Engage in creativity. Reflect on things that brought you joy in childhood or adolescence and focus on your new hobbies and achievements. Remember that your life is unique, and you shouldn’t spend it looking back at the one with whom you broke up. It is possible that she does not think about you anymore, and you try to prove something in vain.
Change the scenery. To be able to look at the situation from the new side, it is necessary to stop reflecting on the same things. Don’t try to deal with the situation, drinking another bottle of wine. Find an opportunity to go on vacation or to visit someone. Engage in anything new, for example, learn to drive a car, start learning a foreign language or dancing, rearrange the furniture in the apartment. This will help you not become a victim and live a full life.
Find an effective way to please yourself. The simplest everyday joys have a magical power, you shouldn’t neglect shopping, hairdresser, spa, and massage. Do a different haircut and change your wardrobe. Reflect on things that you wanted to do for a long time, but your ex-partner made you postpone them all the time. Bring back to your life your favorite things and pleasures. Perhaps, for the sake of a relationship, you have abandoned your hobbies for a long time and ceased to engage in something really interesting. Your body needs a healthy diet, and your mind needs the freedom to survive stress.
Remember about gratitude. Find a few things in your life for which you are already grateful to the world, parents, yourself and, certainly, the ex-partner. Smile at your future, it will surely be bright and joyful. Be sure that the universe will send you some benefits, new relationship and a new happy life in response to your sincere gratitude.