Nowadays, a huge number of people are trying to find a partner with the help of online dating, which in itself is not bad. Dating sites are one of the resources that help search for personal happiness. However, by choosing to get acquainted with people this way, there are certain nuances that you should keep in mind so that you do not take things too close to heart. To do so, you need to know online dating expectations versus the online dating reality.
So, how does online dating work? In essence, the person fills out a questionnaire, filling it with the information they deem valuable and important for other people to see, and of course, photos. As experience seems to show, very few single people tend to upload their unsuccessful photos, on the contrary, everyone wants to please everyone else and naturally choose the pictures where they are shown in the best light. Moreover, some girls hire professional photographers to have a photo session. This, of course, comes with professional make-up, if they do not know how to do it themselves. This is all done in order to create a highly-likeable portfolio for posting on dating sites. Men do not bother so much, though they still tend to put some time into finding a good photograph and avoid choosing the first one that comes up. What they tend to do, however, is find the one where they look their best, pumped up, and it does not matter that the six-pack is already covered with fat for quite a long time and that the T-shirt, which once covered powerful biceps, now seems like it is oversized.
A person usually falls for the picture that was uploaded online and goes on a date in anticipation of getting to know that very person in real life. Often, people realize that their dates are a mere resemblance of what they used to be according to their profile. Both the face and the body, nothing corresponds with what the person, who was searching for love, presented on the dating site. The one who is disappointed in what he or she has seen experiences a quick change in their mood, and they will try to end the date as quickly as possible. However, it also happens that a person who appeared to be completely uninteresting at first may turn out to be a very charming and interesting person indeed. Besides, a concept such as sexuality has nothing to do with physical appearance, but with our individual perception of certain parameters. Some people call it energy. They say if it coincides with yours, then everything will turn out to be great. You can believe in that, but experience shows that it is body language, with the help of which we talk to each other without words, that truly shows the chemistry between two people. This is one of the areas that comes under fire when looking at online dating expectations vs reality.
Let's say you are lucky, and your dating expectations vs reality are actually one and the same, hence your real-life date coincides with the online version, then you will likely want to continue communication. But here, non-verbal clues come into play, which you begin to perceive much earlier than you will comprehend and evaluate what your date says. This is the tone of the voice, the dynamics of the body movements, facial expressions, gestures, the gaze, all that we assess unconsciously at the level of conformity or inconsistency with our sexual preferences.
Only after we evaluate a person in the category like / do not like, do we begin to think about the level of their intellectual development, education, erudition, upbringing, mentality, sense of humor, in general, begin to communicate and evaluate whether they suit us as a person or not. This is the complexity of online dating. If we get to know a person in real life, then we only need a few minutes to understand whether they like us or not, and we are already going on a date with someone who we’d like to get to know better. On the Internet, you can correspond for a long time, learn about a person a lot, but when you meet them, you might come to the conclusion that you are just not meant to be, and all the precious time you spent flirting and texting each other before the date was essentially for nothing. This is one of the online dating expectations you should have, not everyone clicks well together.
Online dating expectations vs reality
1. Expectation: All online dating users, including you, hope to find an attractive spouse with the help of online dating. Both in terms of physical appearance and personality. This is where online dating expectations are too high for a large chunk of people.
Reality: One of the online dating expectations you should have is that it is almost certain that the prospective partner you meet via online dating site is not all that interesting and in line with your expectations. In fact, the people you meet can be very diverse and may actually be very far from your expectations. What you can rely on is the luck factor, which hopefully chooses to accompany you.
2. Expectation: After finding one or more potential dates who are interesting and fit the standards according to your criteria, the next step is to start sending messages. Well, you certainly hope that the person you are sending the message will feel as interested in you and reply to the message you sent.
Reality: Although not always, but often our messages are not replied to by our person of interest. Either because they did not feel attracted to us or because they are already no longer active in the process of online dating, but there are also some lucky people who managed to get a reply and can begin chatting each other up. This is the brutal truth behind online dating expectations vs reality.
3. Expectation: For those that found a potential date through online dating and have had a pretty successful texting experience so far, the next logical step if for one side to invite the other on a date in order to meet face to face. It is logical to assume that since you two click over messaging or even phone calls, you will have a great time when meeting in real life.
Reality: After finally meeting face to face, it is not too long before things become awkward. All the fun chats you had over text seem to have never taken place and you are now silent for minutes at a time thinking about what you could possibly say to defuse the situation. Assuming that the ease with which you texted each other will transfer into the real world is wrong. This is why first dates fall flat, expectations are not met and you and your date never see each other again.
4. Expectation: Your date is well educated, nice to the waiters in the event that you grab something to eat, and is a good listener. Manners are not that hard to teach, so there is a quite solid chance your date is a respectful and responsible person. These are quite healthy dating expectations to have.
Reality: You might have liked someone for the gorgeous picture they put as their profile picture, or the funny texts you threw at each other while messaging, but until you meet them in person, the picture will not be complete. Unfortunately, many people continue to show disrespect to strangers for no apparent reason or over little mishaps that hold no serious consequences behind them. Have realistic dating expectations. However, if you see yourself going on countless dates and have yet to find anyone perfect for you, ask yourself - "are my dating expectations too high?"
5. Expectation: Your date will turn out to be everything you expected them to be and you two will have perfect chemistry together. Eventually, you two marry, make beautiful children and live happily ever after.
Reality: You will likely have to endure more than a few dates before you find someone that partly fits your perfect date's image. Some people experience a dating burnout because of this and decide to live a single life, which is not condemned.
Why should you set realistic dating expectations before you go on a date?
One of the problems with online dating is that you might be a boring accountant or a modest engineer, and it can make no difference. On the Internet, nothing can stop you from shining with erudition and wit. You can impersonate a broke oligarch or a girl of easy virtue. You can try on and play any role you want, even those you were afraid of or embarrassed at before. On the Internet, the awkwardness and shame that come with real-life interaction disappears as if by magic, and really, how can it be awkward when you communicate over a soulless piece of metal? So what is the danger?
Psychologists use the notion of "self-identity" to describe the totality of qualities that make a person who they are. Networking often leads to a loss of "self-identity", they allow you to play a different version of yourself, and the risk that comes with it is quite big. There is a change in priorities: real life begins to seem like a boring preamble to the real one, the social media one. Often a result of this is the exposure of hidden psychological problems that require some form of compensation. A shy student can become a crooked cynic, and a modest housewife an aggressive feminist, whose speech abounds in profanity. An obvious problem that makes having certain dating expectations hard.
The problem with online dating is the early stages of the relationship. How do you tell lies from truth? Be attentive to what they say about themselves, try not to miss any details. If their stories, data, and arguments that are used for justification change every day, this is a warning sign for you. The same red flag is uncertain answers to clearly formulated questions from your side. Be especially attentive to stories designed to arouse sympathy in you, especially about the death of a loved one or loved ones, or unexplained serious illnesses. Remember, if the story sounds too weird to be true, then it's not true. Beware of people who are trying to make you feel guilty for the questions you ask them to clarify the situation. If someone tries to accuse you of aggressive behavior in response to the remark you made, it would make sense to recall the old saying stating that the best form of defense is an offense.
Beware of elusive people who seem to have their mobile phones always turned off, or do not message or call you back for long hours, if not days. Be on alert if they constantly claim that they did not receive your call or message, or if they constantly curse at the phone operator for the bad connection. If they do not appear online or do not answer your messages, despite the promise to do so, and moreover, do not give you a satisfying explanation, delete them from your contacts list. If you forgive them such a disrespectful attitude towards you at least once, be sure, they will repeat this many, many times. Lastly, beware of people whose mood towards you changes like a spring breeze. At first, they cannot get enough of you, they message you several times a day, and then, disappear for a week or even two. This behavior is intended only to make you a victim of their careless whims. Play by your own rules, live on your schedule, and most importantly - respect yourself and have standards.