The Importance of a First Date Conversation
The first date is a very important and exciting moment in every relationship because you will never have the opportunity to make the first impression again. The day of the first date is equally exciting for both partners that are involved in it. People try to do their best to choose the right outfit, makeup, perfume since everything should be perfect. There is no limit to the excitement, but there’s one thing that people often forget about, it’s not about the presentation, it’s about the contents.
There can be no date without a conversation, and that should be quite obvious to everyone, this is the most important part of any date. Maybe your boots were a bit dirty and your shirt had a stain on it, but there are high chances that a person would remember only that your conversation was quite an enjoyable one. They found you interesting, and that's the main thing. This is an impression that will quite likely end up building a strong long-term relationship, not your shoes or your expensive earrings.
Now that we know the importance of having a meaningful conversation, let’s list some first date conversation ideas.
Best First Date Conversation Topics
1. Philosophical topics
This is not one of the best first date conversation starters, but philosophical topics are still of immense importance. There are lots of possible questions to ask, but you should remember one basic rule about such important questions, you should not be too provocative with your questions, especially when it comes to topics like religion, politics, etc. Now, all of these things are of incredible importance, but there is no reason to have a full-out violent disagreement on a date because of your different opinions on politics.
2. Relationships with parents
Once again, be careful, some people may find this topic quite a painful one, who knows what your partner went through in their childhood. But this topic is still, nonetheless, quite important. It will tell you a lot about the type of person you are dealing with, how rebellious they are, etc.
3. Social connections
On the first date, you still know very little about your interlocutor. This topic will help you understand how many friends a person has, what their preferred way to spend a weekend is, and how sociable they are. If a person has a lot of friends, and they often go out to night clubs, then another person who is used to sitting at home may not like it. This is actually quite an important factor.
4. Recreation, leisure
Consider this a continuation of the previous topic. We just can’t talk about good first date conversation topics without mentioning recreation. Find out how a person spends their time, where, and with whom. How do they prefer to rest? What is their definition of leisure? Is your future potential partner an outgoing, social person, or a shy extrovert?
5. Plans for the future
Why not talk about the plans for the future? Ask where a person sees themselves in 5 years. This will give you some idea about a person that you are talking to. How serious are their intentions in terms of starting a family, what are their plans for this particular relationship? Can you rely on such a person? Of course, these are all the things you need to know when building a relationship.
We are all different people, but our favorite activities may be quite similar. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to share your favorite hobby with a person you love? Maybe your partner loves swimming, rollerblading, skiing, maybe even just as much as you do. Even if they don’t, maybe you will eventually come to appreciate their hobbies. This topic brings people very close together, some people can talk about their hobbies for hours if not for days.
7. Stupid stories, jokes
Tell your partner a few stories from your life. Talk about the small and comedic failures that you went through, show your partner that you have a sense of humor, and you don’t take yourself too seriously. This will make an interlocutor feel that they are not the only one that has failed or look awkward at one point or another. It is important to have a sense of humor, and it is something that lots of people, both men, and women, appreciate. It is one of the easiest ways to get someone to like you.
8. Work and study
Honestly, this topic is not one of the most exciting topics for a conversation on a first date, but it is still quite an important one. While sure, most of us don’t enjoy our jobs, and we work just for the sake of earning money, but still, a person’s job will tell you a lot about their character, about their life, and about their lifestyle. Also, it may allow you to avoid some awkward situations, let’s say that you told your partner that you are afraid of dentists, it may just turn out that they are a dentist, and it is somewhat unlikely that anything meaningful will come out of such a date.
9. Favorite food
If your date takes place in a restaurant or a cafe, then take the menu in hand and ask what your interlocutor will order, what food they like, and what their most favorite type of food is. This is also quite an important thing to ask before a date itself, as it will help you choose an establishment for your meeting.
Do not start a conversation with talking about food that you cannot tolerate, for it may turn out to be the favorite dish of your companion, and it will not be pleasant for a person at all. Tastes differ. Remember this rule.
Any good first date conversation has something to do with pets. This topic is very light and always causes positive emotions. Well, who does not want to tell a funny story about their parrot Sparky, their cat Mr. Whiskers, or their dog Theodore? Moreover, you can show videos, photos, talk about some funny stories about your pets. This will surely make a conversation feel more casual but remember that it may just sound too basic and banal for your companion as if you are not trying hard enough.
The person's favorite art form can tell you quite a bit about their personality, about their preferences and their level of creativity. If you are a creative person, this will surely be the best topic to talk about, the opportunities are virtually endless. Do not forget that the first date is quite a stressful event, not just for you but for your partner as well. Don’t be too harsh on your partner for being shy.
Now that we know quite a few topics to talk about on a date, there are still some first date conversation tips that you should remember.
Great First Date Conversation Tips
Here are some first date conversation tips for guys and girls.
1. Speak about traveling, not movies
English psychologist Richard Wiseman conducted a study on this matter. It turned out that less than 9% of the couples who had discussed the movie industry on the first date, wanted to meet again. But 18% of those who discussed traveling continued to date. The reason, perhaps, is that travel for us is connected with carefree vacation time, with the embodiment of our romantic dreams. By talking about these exciting moments, we get inspired and become more outwardly attractive.
2. The way you discuss a topic is more important than a topic itself
The secret of communication, as according to social psychologists Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick, is to avoid extremes. Do not try to dominate, but do not be passive. Find the golden mean to flow, slightly change the direction of a conversation if it headed the wrong way and lead it somewhere else. React to your partner’s responses with sincere interest.
3. Be honest
How to make a conversation on a first date? On the first date, many of us are shy or afraid to talk about ourselves. And this is a big mistake. Arthur Aron, a psychologist from Stony Brook University in New York, who studies the mechanism of forming romantic relationships, proved that it is possible to rapidly accelerate the process of internal convergence at the first date of a couple. Aaron had made a long list of questions that participants of the experiment had to read out loud to each other and answer them in turn. For example, “Would you like to become famous? In which field?”, “What were your childhood dreams? Why haven’t you been able to fulfill them?”, “What is your greatest achievement?”, “What is your most precious/most terrible memory?”
The effect of these “games of honesty” turned out to be striking just in an hour of communication, people that were just strangers to each other became a lot closer to their interlocutors. According to Aaron, there was a level of trust between them that ordinary couples sometimes do not reach in weeks, months, or even years.
4. It’s better to discuss controversial first date conversation topics than boring ones
If you are unable to establish a contact, be honest and start a conversation ... even if the topic of your choice will be abortions. Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist and author of several bestsellers, notes that on the first date, people usually try to strike a certain balance, solving two problems at once: they want to show themselves and find out something about their partners. Therefore, for safety reasons, they choose rather safe first date conversation topics, bypassing risky ones, and as a result, their interlocutors may find them to be quite boring.
And is there any reason not to make your first conversation a little more “memorable” by choosing more provocative conversation topics for a first date? Having asked this question, Ariely conducted an experiment. He told a group of visitors of a dating site to completely exclude neutral topics such as the weather, hobbies, football, work, and begin correspondence by using questions that are quite a bit more provocative, “How many partners did you have?”, “When did you broke up with your last partner?”, “Did you break someone's heart?”, “How do you feel about abortions?” In the end, the participants admitted that their experience turned out to be quite more exciting. Of course, for real life, this is a little too much, Ariely admits. But he still recommends avoiding topics that are too boring and banal. Why not come to the first date and leave a lasting impression? For example, when arranging a date, you can jointly prepare a list of first date conversation topics that will be interesting for both of you. Or, on the contrary, make a list of prohibited topics. “Be that as it may, the most important thing is to risk getting out of your comfort zone, and you will be the winner,” Arieli says.