Dating has become such a casual thing over the last decade, we don’t even see it leading to a partnership sometimes. Dating is disposable. It is quick and doesn’t require mental acuity, faithfulness, or great sincerity. It is a sad truth, but it needs to be said – dating has lost its worth. But how do you prove your beloved one you are better than the other flings? That you will be there no matter what?
Have you ever heard of courting in a relationship? Do you generally know what does courting mean? Don’t worry, I didn’t know either.
Courting is a vintage, more hardcore way of dating. It’s exclusive, it’s classy, and obliges you to do a lot of things.
Origins and Definition of Courting
So, what is courtship and where has it come from? If you’d ask me to define courtship, I would Google it because I don’t know either! But from a historical point of view, courting was a term of “looing female species” for mating.
But this term has nothing in common with what it turned out to be in the 19th century. In the 1880s, courting was pretty much manifestation of a man’s courtesy towards a certain woman. This was the only way of dating, while the “dating” as a modern connotation was strictly prohibited.
Simply put, people were extremely religious. So “flings” or random meetings were not only bad taste, they were shameful and borderline out of the law. And while now you can find women online and talk to each of them within a weekly span, courting was and still is exclusive, meaning it’s either her or no one.
Is Courting a Woman Relevant in 2020?
While we can define courting, there is another question that arises: is courting a girl still a thing? Will she appreciate this gesture, or will I look like a doormat? Does it look like an introvert dating a woman?
To answer this question, we need to revise a courtship meaning. It means that you are loyal to one woman, you make grand gestures and want to show that you see her as your wife. You agree to be monogamous and cover her financial needs or make substantial gifts to prove you are the breadwinner and a gentleman. So why wouldn’t a woman agree to be treated like that?
This is certainly not a choice for everyone, but we still have traditional families in 2020 who want to avoid confusion by agreeing with an imposed by society role. Good or bad, but it still answers the question that courting someone is still a thing.
Courting vs Dating: Important Things to Know
Courting vs dating definition still gives people a headache. So why isn’t courting the same as a monogamous traditional relationship? In this paragraph, I will cover some of the major differences between courting and a serious relationship.
1. Courting often includes no sex before the wedding
While dating is based on the sexual relationship as well as the intellectual and spiritual side, courting mates like to keep things classy. While courting a woman, you want to prove that your preference was not made based on her assets, and you can wait as much as she needs. This practice is held in many Christian families to this day. That way, couples can prove their bond on so many levels other than just physical.
2. No going Dutch
If you don’t know what Dutch dating is, it is a European practice of always splitting your bills with a partner. And while it’s considered to be normal nowadays, lots of ladies would disagree and say that they need to be treated with all respect. As a courting man, you have no choice other than providing for your lady. But you need to realize that all that work will reflect on your married life.
3. This will lead to marriage
With dating, it is a 50/50 chance of splitting or getting married. Sometimes this percentage fluctuates with the accordance of the annoyance of your date. Just kidding. But the end goal of courting is to get married. So if you are planning to put all the effort into your girl, she needs to understand that you are not playing games and treat you respectfully as well.
4. It has obligations
With dating, you are not supposed to supervise your woman, be present at all her events, especially the family reunions. But with courting, you are already a part of that family. You will be treated as her spouse-to-be, so no shady stuff should be delivered to her relatives as a rumor about you, including no casual dates with another girl, no drunkenness, and no fights.
Although there are no certain rules on how to court a woman, some unspoken instructions are needed to be learned. To be a proper man, a provider, and a dutiful husband, you have to remember the following things.
1. It is exclusive
Courting cannot be inclusive by definition. If you’ve settled for one woman, you need to go with her and withstand all the hardships of a relationship, no matter what. There is no switching sides or shady business. If your girl catches you seeing someone else, it will automatically count as cheating. And you don’t want to be cheating before, during, or after a wedding ceremony!
2. It requires much communication with her family
If you decided to go with courting, but not dating, be prepared to meet the whole pack. This includes her uncle, her overly attached grandma and dozens of her little cousins. And yes, you want to look perfect in front of their eyes. It is important to get on her family’s good side since it will soon become your family too. And being a good gentleman, if you escort your lady outside for a promenade, be sure to inform her parents about it. Keep it classy.
3. You should demonstrate your intentions are serious
There is no playing hot and cold. This would be unreasonable. The thing with dating is, whenever you feel like you are going through tough times, you are welcome to take a break or call it quits. But since you now carry responsibility for your future wife, you can’t shut down when she breaks down. There is no hiding in the bushes until better times. You’ll need to handle everything like an adult.
4. Be romantic
Romance is a very good part of courting. Besides being sensual without being sexual, you now can explore every aspect of your future wife without a rush. She has every chance to win your heart over and over, taking it slow, celebrating every new milestone in your relationship. Yes, sending letters and flowers are still a good tone. Even a simple date night at the movies is considered courting if you behave romantically.
5. Build an emotional and spiritual connection
Because you are deprived of some aspects before marriage, there is time to tame your hunger differently. This includes getting to know each other. This is not speed dating where you answer all the questions in the first five messages. This needs to be gradual and thought-through. For this type of dating, you’ll need to establish a deep spiritual bond to enter a family status as friends and lovers, not just a one-dimensional relationship.
6. Don't overdo with flowers and gifts
Yes, these gifts seem romantic and a grand gesture, but you don’t want to sugarcoat it too much. You still live in the 21st century, so you should use the benefits of living in a modern era. Not only handwritten and antique stuff would be considered courting. Chivalry can still be held through digital devices. Even if you text her, “Good morning, sweetie” every morning, this will still define you as a romantic couple, and you will hold the role of a responsible and loving partner. It takes a little to do the courting, yet the effect will always be positive.
7. Remember we are not in the 18th century
As old as it sounds, but you don’t need to take all of the characteristics from Victorian times. Remember that society invented many cool things, such as respect for women. And while then courting went with a full package of keeping your women slightly below and maybe even degrading her talents, you don’t need to go there in the21st century. I am sure she will appreciate courting as well as fair treatment as a separate human being.
8. Hold on with intimacy but maintain physical contact
Who said that courting wasn’t intimate? People still had many benefits other than a dry peck on a cheek. Things that were frowned upon were PDA (public display of affection), which, I am sure, some people still hate. You can get intimate without sex itself. Things like hugs, kissing and caressing only heated up the situation, so you had no choice other than to “put a ring on it” to get a really good taste of your partner afterward, which is still reasonable and sometimes worth the wait.
As you can see, courting was a pretty cool way to stay intimate, closely related, and try an adult relationship before you decide to build a family. Courting is respectful, mature, and even healthy for a relationship if you don’t want to ruin them by mundane things. You can’t appreciate something you've got too quick, right?