Dating a Friend's Ex-Girlfriend: When It's OK and When It's Not
Human dating preferences vary from person to person. Someone likes thin girls, others enjoy chubby ones, some girls like muscular men, while others prefer slender ones. But we don't base our choice only on physical parameters. We pay a lot of attention to the emotional and social side. Humans are very different, and we all have different tastes when it comes to choosing romantic partners. The aforementioned is not a bad thing, especially today when all kinds of love are welcomed and accepted. Even dating best friend's ex-girlfriend is pretty normal and accepted, but only if she didn't cheat with you on him.
Why would you date a friend's ex if there are so many beautiful single ladies for dating around you? Well, there can be plenty of reasons for this. For example, physiology, people desperately need each other. Just think about these two facts, often, a couple makes friends with another couple, all those couples have been together for a very long time, and they want something new. As a result of a combination of these factors, sexual tension may appear between some of them. Often, they even break up and create new couples with their friend's ex. But what about cases when a man is single, while his friend has a girlfriend, and they often invite him to spend time together?
Is a Relationship with a Friend's Ex Considered Cheating on Your Friend?
And here, after our small examples, we come to the moral aspects of dating your best friend's ex-girlfriend. Is dating your friend's ex wrong? Can it be considered cheating? First thing first, as you may know, there are two types of cheating: moral and physical. The second one is simple since it is just about kissing and having sex. While the first one is a little bit trickier because it is about moral connections, and even love. And again, both are considered to be cheating. Keep this information in mind, in view of the fact that soon it will become useful.
To answer the question, "Is dating your best friend's ex bad?" you need to analyze your case. One step at a time, how did your relations begin? Have you plotted this? Maybe you were giving some decisive bits of advice to your friend when he was seeking your help? Maybe, the first moment you saw her with him, you fall in love with her and not only have been dreaming about dating her but also were making some certain steps towards this goal. Or, perhaps, it just feels nice to say, "I'm dating my best friend's ex-girlfriend." The most important thing you need to learn from here is that if you were the reason for their breakup, then you are a highly immoral person and a terrible friend.
But if you were a very honest friend? Maybe you liked her but never allowed yourself to even think about taking steps towards romantic relationships with her. You have been searching for some site to meet girl, and never betrayed your friend. But now, they have broken up for some reason that has nothing to do with you, should you stop searching for girls online and try dating friend’s ex? If you talk about your situation to your friend first, having waited for some time to let him let the whole thing go, and after that, you honestly ask for his advice about this, then yes, this is moral and acceptable. By doing this, you are showing that you a good and honest friend. Because, when a friend related problem appears (in this context this matter is a problem, at least at the beginning), you don't hide anything, and instead, you go directly to your friend to ask for his opinion and advice.
When a Relationship with a Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend Is Normal?
We've already touched this topic above, trying to find the answer to the question, "Should you date a friend's ex or not?" Here, we will give you a list of cases with small descriptions showing when dating your friend's ex-girlfriend is normal and acceptable. Of course, we can't reduce real life to 5 cases, but these are universal things that you should check before making any steps. Note, even if you carefully analyze all the cases and compare them to your life, there is no guarantee that you will manage to save good relations with your friend because dating is a very personal thing, and you can never know how this or that person may react.
1. He has easily got over a breakup
Remember, you should never make any steps towards dating your friend's ex-girlfriend if he is still suffering from their breakup. You are his best friend, and in fact, to help him is your responsibility as a friend. And if you decide to date his ex-girlfriend, it will feel like a betrayal for him. The best thing you can do is to maintain an online connection with her (yes, without offline dates in real life, or he may find out from rumors) while he is recovering from a breakup. Only after his recovery, you can tell him about your romantic intentions.
2. You are not the reason for their breakup
As we have said before, you are a very bad friend if you are the reason for their breakup. Can you imagine how he would feel if he finds out that she left only to be with you? Obviously, this will be the end of your friendship, just once and for all. To keep the moral right to date her if they break up someday, you should stay away from their relations as far as possible, especially from their problems. If your friend asks for your advice, you should tell him that you don't know what to do.
3. You were patient
If you have waited for some time and haven't rushed into dating her right after the breakup, then your relationships with her may not hurt your best friend at all. How long should you wait? Well, time is a very subjective thing. Some people need one week to let such a thing go, while others need more than a year to accept that she is a free person and can do whatever she wants. In any case, you should never rush with this question. Wait for a couple of weeks and pay close attention to your friend.
4. You've talked to your friend about this
There is absolutely nothing to worry about if you've talked to your friend about this whole situation, and he said that he is okay with it. The only thing that you need to be sure of is that he was honest with you. It may happen that he appreciated you being a good friend and telling him everything, so he didn't want to disappoint you and just told you that everything is fine. While in reality, he is very disappointed. In this case, if you value your friendship, you should forget about his ex-girlfriend and find someone else.
5. They've managed to stay friends
Another important aspect that can affect both your new romantic relationships and old friendship is their relations with each other. Best friends usually spend a lot of time together, and when they find romantic partners, they keep spending time together, but only as couples. As you may have guessed, this won't be possible if they can't stand each other. In this case, you will face the necessity to very carefully plan your time, and you will have to forget about spontaneous adventures with him. Of course, you won't face these inconveniences if they've managed to stay good friends too. This doesn't happen too often but happens.
Is It Important to Tell a Friend About This?
Let's imagine a book of rules for dating friend's ex-girlfriend. What will you find on the first page of it? In my opinion, on the first page, you will see something like, "Does your friend know that you were planning to date his girlfriend for a very long time? No? Do you say you weren't planning this? But it seems to him that you weren't a very good friend, and all this time, you were plotting her betrayal." Unfortunately, if he learns about your relationships with his ex-girlfriend from someone else, he will believe that you've betrayed him. Needless to say that this will be the end of your friendship.
Do you know what characterizes a good friendship? Good friends don't have to share everything about their lives, but they never hide anything, even if the revealing of this information may be hard and problematic. Thus, a good friend will never hide something important for his friend from him and will tell him the whole truth about this, even at his own expense. If you are thinking about dating a friend's ex-crush, the only way to save your friendship is to tell him about your feelings to her. Be honest, and don't hide anything.
Unfortunately, if you try to hide your romance with your friend's ex-girlfriend from him, you will fail. Because, nowadays, in the Internet era, you can't hide anything about your life. Sooner or later, someone will see you, and your ex-best friend will know everything. Thus, if you have been friends with him for a very long time, then don't risk losing your friendship by hiding such an important fact. Instead, start a blunt conversation about this. Explain to him why you want to be with her, and that you came to him first because your friendship is very important for you.
Main Rules When You Date Your Friend's Ex
We can write and discuss many important things when it comes to dating your best friend's ex-girlfriend, but all those matters swiftly lose their importance when it comes to love. You can't control your heart, and you love those whom you love. Next, we are going to share some rules about dating a friend's ex. We hope that via the help of our rules you will manage not only to establish healthy romantic relationships with your girlfriend, but you will save your friendship as well. Remember, be very careful and think twice before taking any steps.
Don't spread rumors
Recently in this article, we have been talking about the importance of honest confession to your friend. But if you are not going to tell him about this, the worst mistake that you can make is to start spreading rumors about your new relationships and girlfriend. Of course, you want to tell everyone how happy you are with her but don't.
Don't remind about past relationships
If they've managed to stay friends too, and you often meet together, all of you should forget about their past. Don't even make jokes about this. Delete all your photos and conversations. By reminding them about their shared past, you can disappoint them and reawaken their old feelings.
Try to avoid useless conversations
If you are planning to spend time both with your new girlfriend and your best friend, you must make sure that your shared time will be full of activities. Otherwise, they will have to start useless conversations together. Plus, never ask your friend to advise you about your relations with his ex-girlfriend.
Respect the borders
Yes, she was with your best friend, and no, you can't ask her about this time. If she wants to share something with you, she will. Also, as in any normal relationship, you must respect her personal borders and vice versa. Stop thinking that she is different and special because of her past relationships.
Don't make her compare
Comparing is another terrible mistake that our low self-confidence tells us to do. We tend to compare everything. For example, we compare ourselves to our best friends, our girlfriends to our friends' girlfriends, and so on. Yes, she had a history with your best friend, and no, you should never ask or make her compare you with him.
As you can see, dating your best friend's ex-girlfriend is definitely not the easiest thing to do. By doing this, you are risking losing both the best friend and the girl you love. Frankly speaking, if you are not sure whether you love or just like her, it is better to pay attention to other women. Thus, you will save your friendship and nerves. Emotionally it is very hard to do something that can harm someone as close as the best friend. The chances are very high that in the end, you will be disappointed with your relationships with her.
However, if you truly love this girl and she loves you too, then nothing should prevent you from being happy. Of course, this doesn't mean that you can completely forget about your best friend. To make your new relationships look and feel normal, you need to take certain steps and follow the rules that we have mentioned in this article. Thus, you will manage to have it all, you will save your friendship and will have a nice, beautiful and loving girlfriend.